Have you ever had a conversation with someone, but couldn’t get a word in? Okay, maybe it was really a monologue.
They just kept on talking and talking and talking? A monologue is a long speech by one person.
See this monologue example from the Incredibles
How do you get this person to stop talking?
Michael Hyatt in his book No-Fail Communication has 5 tips on how to get out of the monologue communication black hole.
1. Get clarity before you communicate
Make sure you are clear on the message you want to send before opening your mouth. Take the time to clarify your thoughts so the other person doesn’t have to search for your meaning.
Don’t assume they will know what you are talking about. Be clear.
2. Engage your audience
Make eye contact with this other person. This can help you gauge how interested they are in what you are saying.
Mark Goulston says a speaker has 20 seconds of talk before the other person starts getting bored. So, if you have been talking more than 20 seconds, get feedback from the other person by asking a question or asking them if you are clear.
Pay attention to body language. Does the other person look at you?
Are they gazing out at their surroundings or looking at their watch a lot? Make sure your body language is open and natural. and that you have the proper facial expressions.
Like Meg Ryan said in French Kiss, “The corresponding face for the corresponding emotion”.
3. Invite questions
Allow time and then offer a chance for the other person to respond. Even clarifying that you will want a response before you start talking can help the other person realize you want them to participate.
When other people are talking and then all of a sudden ask, “So, what do you think?” I am taken aback since I was listening to their ideas and didn’t have time to think about what I’m thinking yet.
Give me 2 hours and I will have a great response for you, but not on the spot as I need time to get my thoughts together.
The communicator should set the tone for the conversation. This means making sure that the other person is getting the correct information and clarifying when that isn’t happening. This can also mean inviting the other person to have input into the conversation.
4. Listen actively
Take responsibility for communication coming to and from you. Speak as clearly as you can and make sure that there is clarification when things get muddled.
Focus on the person speaking and give them your full attention. Pay attention to what they are saying with their words, tone, and body language. Do they match up?
Pick up on any keywords that can help you dig deeper. For example, if they are frustrated, ask them why. If they give you an answer, ask why that frustrates them so you can understand where they are coming from.
Assume good intent in that you trust what the other person is saying and believe that they want to help clarify facts. Don’t look to trip them up with what they are saying. If something sounds off, clarify what they said.
Respond nondefensively. Make the conversation about communicating clearly, nor defending your competence or your position. Realize that people can have a different opinion than you and still be a good person.
5. Weigh your words
Before you speak weigh the impact of your words on others. Ask, “If someone said this to me, how would I feel?”
If you would feel bad, don’t say it. Critical or dismissive responses can be damaging to the other person and fracture the relationship. The fastest way to shut down feedback is to offer a curt reply or suggest that the other person is ignorant.
Check your emotions before you respond. Count to 10 before you open your mouth so that you don’t say something you would later regret.
Saying hurtful words can live in the other person’s brain for years, even with an apology. So be careful what you say.
Small Steps
If you are talking with a large group and have a monologuer, gently redirect them. Ask for the other people to pipe in with their opinions.
If the monologuer is still talking, say, “Let’s hear from someone who hasn’t had a turn yet”. Doing a round-robin where you go around the room and ask everyone what they think is a good way to get everyone involved.
As the speaker, it is your job to set the tone for the conversation. Making sure you ask others their thoughts before you share your own is a great approach to get others involved. Try these 5 tips with your next monologue conversation and let us know in the comments how it went.