Difficult conversations make most people cringe as a conflict is something that they avoid at all costs. Delivering bad news is a tough conversation even under the best of circumstances.
Refusing to confront issues when necessary will make a leader ineffective. It is important to handle sensitive communication correctly.
When the stakes are high, the need for communication is even greater so deliver bad news with honesty. This is not the time to beat around the bush and try to soften the blow.
Most people just want to know what is up. Make sure you communicate that.
Have you ever had someone give you information without handles? In other words, they want you to do something with that information, but didn’t specify the “what”.
It is very frustrating when you have to guess at what the other person is saying. When this happens, I want to shout, “Just tell me already.”
In his book No-Fail Communication, Michael Hyatt gives 3 tips on how to deliver bad news to another person, so you don’t have to avoid this type of difficult conversation.
1. Deliver bad news with candor
When delivering bad news do it promptly, unequivocally, and kindly. This should be the umbrella for everything that comes after.
2. Set an expectation of candor
Be honest about your emotions and the situations that’s driving them. Allow others to tell you what is happening in their own words. Then, they can explain why they feel that way and what particularly made them feel that. This is about listening to the other person and not picking apart their word choice or their feelings.
Have you ever had someone tell you you should or should not feel a certain way? I have. Once someone was being rude and I told them that and they told me I was too sensitive. Their response did not encourage candor within our relationship and I then did not share my feelings with this person for a long time. This shunted our relationship and made it more superficial than the deep relationship it could have been if they would have listened to my feelings. Allow people to be themselves with you.
Do you want people to be honest with you or just tell you what you want to hear? As a leader, you should value candor – done in a respectful way, of course. You can’t fix issues you don’t know about and you should want people around you to feel comfortable enough to help you identify those issues.
Let others know they have your permission to:
- give you feedback
- correct your errors
- present alternative ideas
- ask questions
- challenge your behavior
By doing this you, they, and the organization can improve.
3. Speak directly
Respect people enough to speak directly to them about issues. If done correctly, you can start a beautiful friendship.
Taking a stand for the greatness of others by believing the best about them. This can help nurture their best self.
Some people just need someone to believe they can do something. Be that someone.
As a teacher, I have realized that my high school students always liked when I was direct, called them out, but them told them I still liked them. They knew they could screw up, but I would still go to bat for them.
I remember one time that a student skipped the senior awards ceremony. This was the last awards ceremony of his high school career. He was having a hard time dealing with the road his dad wanted him to be on and was rebelling. I wrote him a note telling him what a bonehead move that was, but that it could later be a teaching moment as he was on a path to work with youth. I told him his future students would love to hear about him doing this and how he lived through it. He told me later he appreciated my letter and that he was able to use it as a teaching moment as I said. I gave it to him straight, but also made him realize it wasn’t the end of the world and he really was going to live through it. And one day, he was going to be able to laugh about it, which he did.
Small Steps
As leaders, we need to be real with people and be there when they mess up, which they will. Having difficult conversations is just that – difficult. But they work best when they are done promptly, unequivocally, and kindly. What difficult conversation do you need to have? Use the tips here and let us know in the comments how it went.