Not fully communicating with others can cause problems. It causes some to feel like they are being kept in the dark and makes them suspicious.
Sometimes this is done through an oversight. Other times it is from attempting to protect people from bad news.
In addition, there are those who put so much energy into problem solving that they simply forget to share their decision and expect people to just know. Rarely is it intentional.
But it can certainly cause a problem. In the absence of information, people make up their own story.
When they are not given information or get the rationale of why they start to construct a narrative. This narrative fills in the blanks for a “why” that makes sense to them.
The Dirt
My husband used to get after me for dumping the old dirt from my flowerpots around the yard. I was not sure where else to put it, so I kept doing it.
I knew he didn’t want me to dump it in the yard, but I thought he was just being difficult. I think I might have asked him one time where I could put the dirt and didn’t get an answer, so I just kept doing it.
When people feel uncertainty, they respond negatively. Every year, when it was time to dump the dirt, I would feel anxious. I knew Darin would be irritated.
But, I wanted new flowers in my pots and continued my process to efficiently complete my task. Really, I didn’t know what else to do.
Yeah, this story speaks to the importance of having margin in your life. When Tiffany first started the “dumping of the dirt” I had none.
A simple conversation could have eliminated the anxiety and frustration. But I didn’t take time to fully communicate what was needed.
It all revolved around mowing. I would run into a pile of dirt and either have to take care of it or ignore it. I used both methods and then would forget about it, but it was frustrating.
It wasn’t until I took the time to communicate the rationale that we fixed the real issue. All that needed to be done was to rake it out. Once we had this conversation and a shared understanding, the problem was eliminated.
Ensure Transparency
Michael Hyatt in his book No Fail Communication gives 4 steps on ensuring transparent communication.
1. Decide what to communicate.
It is better to overcommunicate than to under communicate. Make sure you tell the other person what you are thinking so they know what you want.
Holding back information makes people suspicious as they think you are being secretive. Secrecy breeds suspicion while transparency builds trust. Be transparent with your communication.
2. Get the message right.
As mentioned in a previous post, it is good to write out what you want to say to the other person. This way, you can tweak the words and ensure that everything important is included.
Get straight to the point. People want clarity even when it is bad news.
Did you ever hear someone say, “Just give it to me straight”? Most people just want to hear the information and then will decide what they will do with it.
3. Determine who needs to know and in what order.
Has your spouse ever shared something in a crowd that wasn’t previously shared with you? How did that make you feel?
Sharing things with those closest to us is necessary to build and keep trust. Make sure those closest to you know information before it is shared in a big group.
4. Clarify as needed.
As previously stated, people want clarity. Don’t dance around the topic. Just give it to them straight and help them deal with it.
Make eye contact. Say what needs to be said and don’t let yourself become defensive.
Small Steps
Being transparent can be scary as you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others. But being transparent can build trust.
Building trust allows relationships to grow even stronger. Be willing to be transparent with others and see your communication and relationships grow.
Who will you be transparent with this week? Write it in the comments below and tell us how it went.